the.retard.gang.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

ello ppl!!

long time no post..

since tomolo is x'mas

i tot i'd write a x'mas story!!

~~happy reading ya~~

once apon a time, there was a small gurl, named coco.. she was a very good gurl! no.1 on santa's gud list! coco was best fwens with sugar.. now sugar was da total opposite of coco.. she was a naughty babe.. no.1 on santa's naughty list!

now, every year, coco got presents from santa.. but sugar didnt! after so long, sugar was too angry, and she couldnt tahan anymore.. that christmas eve (year 2005) sugar stayed up (while coco, was up in bed, like an angel).. she waited 4 santa... and after soooo long, santa finally came..

sugar jumped out 4m behind da christmas tree and kicked santa in da ding dong and poor santa fainted! sugar took dat opportunity to tie him up.. n wen he woke up, he found himself naked.. and sperms all over da place.. sugar fucked da sperms outta him.. poor guy..

sugar: yo, dude, how come u never give me presents?
santa: cuz u have been one naughty kid! u even fucked me!
sugar: but but but.. waddabout coco?
santa: shes a nice gurl..
sugar: but she fucked you're raindeer last year!!
santa: i noe.. dats why this year she's getting condoms! ho ho ho..
sugar: -.- u gotta be joking!! i've been a gud gurl!!
santa: ya rite.. u spend ur nites at da strip club!!
sugar: its fun, k.. cum.. let me show u!!

sugar untied santa, and they got into santa's sleigh.. they flew all da way to a strip club in greenland! sugar tuk santa in and boy, did santa have a gud time! he met bunny!! boy, bunny sure did noe hw to "hop" n "jump" ~if ya noe wat i mean..

nw, let me tell u more about bunny.. she was a nice kid.. till she ran away with her boyfwen, rabbit.. rabbit made bunny work at da strip club for ka-ching... poor poor bunny! now, after hearing bunny's story, santa felt sowei 4 bunny..

santa: u poor, poor gurl.. why dont u follow me back to da south pole?
bunny: but i cant juz leave rabbit! plus, wat about mrs. cluse?
santa: 4get about rabbit! hes a bitch! n mrs. cluse is in da hospital.. i fucked her too hard last night..
bunny: ok ok.. i'll come with you babe!
santa: great! sugar, lets go..
sugar: but im in da middle of fucking a guy...
santa: then v'll juz leave without u!
sugar: ok ok im cuming.. chill dude!

so santa n sugar left da strip club, along with bunny..

sugar: so hw was da strip club? fun, wasnt it?
santa: hmm.. it was ok.. but not dat fun..
sugar: ok, i noe sumthing even more fun! lets go to a bar.. its juz nearby..

so, the three of them flew off to africa.. they went to a bar in da middle of zebra's shit.. it was da very famous zebra shit bar! in da bar, sugar tot santa hw to drink zebra shit beer.. n damn, it was good!! but santa was more interested in da gurl serving da beer.. JUNE! now june was previously in this heavy metal band called "leader of sex extra rough" better known as "l-o-s-e-r" but then the band broke up cuz june (da only gurl in da band) had sex with da lead singer's gf.. yes, shes les.. so now, she's penny-less and she has to work in da bar for ka-ching! now, santa was a huge fan of l-o-s-e-r..

santa: OMG OMG OMG OMG!! ur june!! from l-o-s-e-r!! wth r u doing working in a dump like this?
june: my band broke up bitch.. it was all over da news.. didncha hear? now, im forced to work in this shit crap place..
santa: hmm.. hw bout u cum work in my workshop? i'll pay u twice da amount u get from this dump!
june: hell yeah man! u got urself a deal!

so santa, sugar, bunny n now june too, hopped on to santa's sleigh and off they went.. tiba-tiba, they bumped into cookie (l-o-s-e-r-'s lead singer's ex gf dat june slept with).. she was nw an underware model/pornstar.. she was shooting her latest porn movie in da middle of da road.. its called: "porn in da middle of da road" santa was a huge fan! he stopped da sleigh n ran to her feet!

santa: omg cookie.. i loveeeee you!!
cookie: cookie loves u too!! (dat was her catch phrase)
santa: oh, cookie, pls, i beg you.. fuck me.. juz this once!
cookie: hmm... ok, hw would u like to b in my movie?
santa: that would b awesomeeeee!!!

so, they fucked.. and cookie changed her porn movie title to "porn in da middle of da road with santa"

santa: thank u cookie.. i loveeee you!!
cookie: cookie loves you too ;)

satisfied, santa got back into da sleigh and off they went.. back to sugar (n coco)'s hse..

sugar: u see santa, duncha think im a gud gurl too?? didnt u have fun tonite?
santa: hell yeah i did! man, ur awesome! ur on da top of my nice list now!!
sugar: *blush* aww.. thx!
santa: thank u sugar.. 4 showing me real fun! u'll get a present next year! now, this year, im gonna give u da best present of all time! im gonna show u who really am!
sugar: oooooo....

*santa takes of his beard*

sugar: *speachless* O.O :O

SANTA WAS ACTUALLY....

...

MIKI!!

santa aka miki: ho ho ho.. merry christmas sugar!
sugar: :O *still shocked*
santa aka miki: well, i gotta go.. bye!!

so santa aka miki, bunny n june hopped back on da sleigh n headed back to da south pole.. and thata da end of our story.. coco got her condoms n she fucked santa's raindeer to da max every night.. june n bunny worked at santa's workshop.. cookie's porn movie was a hit.. no. 1 on redtube n tube 8! and as for sugar.. she got tongs the next year.. damn she was happy with her present..

THE END!

well, hope u enjoyed da story.. lolx.. oh ya, its damn horny.. shud have told yall dat b4 i started da story.. but wateva.. haha.. merry x'mas wei!! its 12 am edi..

jingle bells, dashya smells, from 50 miles away.......

betcha noe who wrote this post? if u dun, ur damn stupid! lolx.. chouzzz...